


drop, drop, drop, heart break

by renjunbutterfly



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst???? Idk, Jisung-centric, M/M, Unrequited Love, i suck at making titles dsdbjksad, one-sided!rensung, renmin dates eventually but they're not the focus
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-25 22:03:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18583465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renjunbutterfly/pseuds/renjunbutterfly
Summary: Sudden realizations are never Jisung’s forte – even more so when it comes to love.





	drop, drop, drop, heart break

There are things that suddenly come to Jisung out of the blue – like how he forgot to turn off the heater in his dormitory, or how he forgot his homework for his first class.

But it never occurred to him that love will come so fast – that it will strike hard, quick, and will knock his breath away without any previous indications that it _is_ happening.

Since his elementary days, Jisung had always played with boys older than him – Jaemin, Jeno, Donghyuck, and Mark who have formed a small circle of tight-knit friends.

By high school, two more people are added to their group of friends. Chenle, who was loud but fun, and Renjun, who was way tougher than he looked like – which is easy enough to do considering just by looks alone, Renjun seemed gentle.

And for the four years in high school up to now, in his first year of university, everything was static – everyone decided to go to the same university and they did.

Everything was normal, had a decent sense of equilibrium –

And then _this_ happens.

 _This_ is Jisung currently finding himself in a mental predicament. _This_ is Jisung inviting Renjun over for the night – because Chenle was out for vacation and Jisung knows that Renjun has a soft enough spot for him to say yes if he begged for it.

And _this_ is Jisung suddenly getting an existential crisis because Jisung had always thought that Renjun was cute – the entire group does – but at this moment, this time, Jisung thinks that the older boy is breathtaking.

And Renjun wasn’t even doing _anything_. He was just there, a few meters away from Jisung, getting instant ramen from the cupboard and Jisung doesn’t know why his heart is suddenly beating so fast and so hard, and maybe he just wants it to _stop_.

But it doesn’t.

It only races even more – and Jisung is scared that Renjun will hear how loudly his heart pounds – when Renjun turns around – takes Jisung’s breath away that he just wants to do anything but meet Renjun’s gaze – and give a fond smile as he asked, “The two of you only have ramen?”

It’s crazy – how sudden realizations can suddenly turn his life a complete one hundred eighty degrees but Jisung managed to feign enough as he gives a playful grin in return, “We’re broke college students, sue us.”

“Broke?” Renjun repeats the word, laughing slightly – sound suddenly becoming increasingly pleasant to Jisung’s ears – and then he shakes his head, “You’re so cute, Jisung-ah.”

Jisung thanks all the aliens out there in the universe that Renjun turns around because he knows that he _is_ blushing and if Renjun sees it, he _will_ know and Jisung doesn’t know if he can handle that.

At least not yet.

-

The first month was simply Jisung flustering over every little thing, trying to repeat in his head that it was a one time thing and that he wasn’t in love with Renjun because that’s crazy – and it can’t be.

It doesn’t matter that Jisung searched about love in Google and he thinks that he has all the symptoms and signs of being in love because _it is not true_.

Jisung pushes the feelings away because it makes him feel awkward and he didn’t realized that he was being dumb because in the process, he ends up pushing _Renjun_ away, too.

He didn’t even notice until Jaemin speaks up about it, during one of the times that the two eat their dinner in a nearby fastfood chain.

“Renjun told me that you’ve been ignoring him,” Jaemin suddenly says out of nowhere and Jisung chokes on his fries at the mention of the name.

He didn’t even need to look up to know that Jaemin is giving him a serious gaze because he can _feel_ it.

Acting his age – or at least his position in the age order – Jisung continues to glance down as he eats more.

“I don’t know what’s up,” Jaemin adds, “but you should talk to him.”

Jisung, suddenly, out of impulse, rebelliously counters, “Nothing _is_ up.”

It only takes him a full second to regret it because he finally meets Jaemin’s eyes – and Jaemin is one of the kindest people he met, but there is something in his stare that kind of scares Jisung.

It’s the kind of stare that Jaemin reserves when he is particularly fed up with something – and as patient as he was, there are only a few things that make him go like this.

Jisung, in hindsight, remembers how much Jaemin considers Renjun a _whole_ lot – he does with everyone, but with Renjun, especially more.

“I’m sorry,” Jisung mutters, out of instinct more than anything else and he sees Jaemin shake his head.

“I don’t know what it is, but don’t ignore him just like that, Jisung,” Jaemin’s voice has returned to its usual soft, gentle tone as he said his last piece before he drops the topic, “You know how much Renjun likes you, so make up with him, alright?”

It doesn’t help that Jisung’s heart races at the mention of _like_ even though he knows that Jaemin meant it in every possible platonic matter.

But Jisung agrees, despite it all, and so he gives Jaemin an apologetic grin, “Yeah, I will.”

It doesn’t matter if Jisung is really in love with Renjun or not – it really wasn’t fair for him to just suddenly ignore the older boy because he’s scared of catching feelings.

In the back of his mind, he steels himself and thinks that he’ll face it head-on, one way or another.

-

Facing his feelings head-on is easier to say than do, especially when Jisung suddenly finds himself acting completely different with Renjun.

For the longest time, he loved to tease the older boy and play around with him – if only because Renjun was one of the few people who barely get offended by it – but now he can’t even mutter a small friendly insult because every time he meets Renjun’s eyes, he just feels like _melting_.

It’s particularly evident today, when he hangs around in the quad with Chenle, Jeno, Jaemin, Renjun, and Donghyuck.

Teasing Renjun was always fun – as long as everyone don’t tease too much, because no one really wants to offend the older boy – and while Donghyuck was teasing Renjun about how he turned the atmosphere cold yet again with another bad joke, the only thing that leaves Jisung’s mouth is a breathless, “I think it’s cute.”

And he _does_.

It was cute, the way Renjun’s face scrunches lightly and then how his eyes widen when he tries to defend himself. It’s cute how he places his hand to make some pseudo wall between him and Jeno who was laughing with Donghyuck.

It was cute, but it was also something that Jisung _shouldn’t_ have said and should have just kept in mind.

Especially since, instead of Renjun, the attention of the group was suddenly on Jisung – each of the older boys giving him different stares. Jaemin looked amused, Jeno was a bit surprised. Donghyuck’s eyes narrowed and Chenle was simply laughing like he found the whole thing funny.

And Renjun – Renjun only blinked his eyes, then his lips formed the smallest of pouts as he tried to reach out for Jisung playfully, and asked, “What?”

Jisung really must have been out of his mind at that moment because instead of leaning away, he catches Renjun’s hand midway and if the previous atmosphere was awkward, the current one was even more.

He meets Renjun’s surprised gaze – feels like time has stopped and if this was some cliché movie, Renjun would have suddenly realized that he feels the same way Jisung does.

It was cut short, though, because Jaemin suddenly pulls Renjun back and then just like that, everything goes back to motion.

Jaemin was muttering something about “Injun, we have class in ten minutes and you still haven’t finished your food,” and yet Jisung barely hears it because all he can do is continue to stare at Renjun, even as the older boy has already pulled back and returned to his meal.

It takes him a full minute before he returns to his own meal and he bites his lips so hard, it almost bleeds. It’s crazy – what acknowledging his feelings do.

Jisung has never wanted to monopolize Renjun – it’s impossible, especially since the older boys have a bigger chance of occupying his time – but Jisung wanted the previous moment to last longer – for it to happen away from the others.

Renjun’s hands in his, their eyes meeting – Jisung has never wanted it before, but he does now.

And it kind of scares him, because he thinks that this greed for Renjun’s affection will only continue to grow. It sucks because Jisung knows that Renjun only sees him as a little brother.

And he really should stomp the feelings away now that he has acknowledged them – move on and return to normal routine – but love is a feeling that cannot be stopped and so Jisung thinks that this will _not_ end well, at least not for him, but that doesn’t matter.

Nothing and no one else matters now – unless it was Renjun.

-

The _bad end_ part comes faster than he thought, a few weeks after, when he was staying up with Jeno and Donghyuck in a café as they try to study for their midterms.

The two boys were barely even studying, simply squabbling here and there and Jisung can’t even fault them because even he was barely paying attention to what he was supposed to be doing.

“Oh my god,” Donghyuck whisper shouts, eyes widening as he continues to stares at his phone.

Jisung ignores him – already used to the older boy’s random bouts of dramatics – but then Jeno speaks up, mostly because he wanted something to take his attention away from his notes, and adds, “What are you so worked up about?”

“Check your Twitter,” Donghyuck says, hands scrolling on his phone at a fast speed. He gives a short bark of laughter as he adds, “Jaemin, that guy…”

Jisung’s attention perks up at that, but even more when Jeno also gives a defeated chuckle as he mutters, “He’s on a _date_ with Renjun?”

And then Jisung can only blink his eyes at that – once, twice – and as he reaches out for his own phone, he asks, “What?”

“According to Jaemin at least,” Donghyuck says and it kind of unnerved Jisung, how the older boy turns his intrigued gaze from his phone to him. He shows his screen and Jisung gives it a quick scan – it’s a picture of Renjun and Jaemin and it was attached with some cheesy messages that Jisung overlooks.

He feels like puking at this point.

“Jaemin-hyung likes Renjun that way?” He manages to ask, trying to keep his emotions in check, though failing slightly on that front.

“He’s been courting Renjun since forever,” Donghyuck points out and he still has _that_ look in his eyes as he meets Jisung’s inquiring look. He even gives a small grin as he added, “Jeno did too, by the way, before Jaemin so _kindly_ asked him to back off.”

Jeno’s eyes widened at that drop of information and he jabs Donghyuck slightly as he embarrassedly shushes, “No one needs to know that, shut up.”

It hits Jisung like a truck – like the same kind of truck that hits characters in animations for no particular reason other than to make the story sad – and he can’t believe that he’s only realizing everything right now.

Jisung has always thought that Jaemin was simply being his usual sweet and touchy self when he interacts with Renjun – but maybe, it really wasn’t just that.

Jaemin always sends Renjun back to his dorms, cooks him meal when they have free time. When their group goes out, the two of them are always beside each other, usually with Jaemin asking Renjun if he wants or needs something, _anything_.

It doesn’t just boil down to Jaemin simply being caring – of course, he _was_ courting Renjun. It makes sense now,  how Jaemin always pull Renjun back when other people not him become too touchy with Renjun – how Jaemin gave Renjun an expensive couple bracelet on his last birthday.

Jisung hates how he realizes this – how he wishes he just didn’t know anything at all. Because thinking about it right now, as much as Jaemin did things for Renjun, the other boy _does_ reciprocate one way or another.

Renjun allows Jaemin to get away with a lot of things. When the others would tease Renjun, they usually will be given an act of fond violence, but Renjun just gives Jaemin an exasperated smile and moves on. Renjun is open to skinship, but never allows anyone to hang on him the way Jaemin does a lot.

Thinking about it – thinking about _this_ hurts Jisung and not for the first time did he think that sudden realization from months ago should never had happened.

Because Jisung realizes – knows – that he has no chance if Jaemin and Renjun _are_ going out together. As far as anyone can see, Jaemin is perfect – kind and sweet and gentlemanly – and even more, Renjun _does_ seem like he likes the other boy.

And it’s one thing if Renjun finds a significant other outside of their friend circle but it’s _Jaemin_ , their friend and if they actually decide to pursue a romantic relationship, Jisung would be a front-row audience.

Different emotions pop up inside of him and he kind of wants to cry – because he’s unlucky and he cries easily, and what _else_ can he do?

He bites his lips and pinches his leg, tries to keep himself calm, tries to return back to the present reality, in the coffee shop with his older friends.

When he regains enough attention, he hears them talk about another topic – Jisung wonders when exactly they dropped it, the Jaemin-Renjun thing – and Jisung hopes that neither boy realized what he was feeling.

Even if they did, they didn’t talk about it – and Jisung is completely thankful for it.

**Author's Note:**

> rensung rights, but make it painful *clown emoji* (also kinda dedicated ish to pixelminho @ twt... dljasldsha this isn't the fic in our chat but it's still unrequited love SO)


End file.
